What times in life did you embrace your fear?
What demons turned out not to be so scary after all, once you faced them?
How can you love your demons, your fears, and the things you “hate about yourself?”
When I was 4, my mom made sure I never was an “evil character” for Halloween.
Anytime someone I knew was going to be a “bad character” I silently winced inside cursing Halloween for celebrating evil. Why give our energy to that?! Anytime my son might ask to be a villain, I was a heck no to that and would steer him another direction.
However, what you resist, persists.
So when my 10 year old asks to be an orc from the Lord of the Rings I decide to stop “my control train.” Just go with the flow.
It didn’t work at first. I still resisted: I decided I wouldn’t dress up with him as I always had since the day he was born. I felt anxious and broody just watching Leo make Eli his war costume. Why the violence?! I would think to myself. I cursed the slave trade chocolate and candy. I could not relax and dreaded the night while still silently organizing a trick or treat with a few of his friends.
As his friends arrive to trick or treat, in one moment, I give in. I simply decide to surrender. In fact, I’m suddenly inspired to create a costume in 15 minutes flat.
Why fight against the tide? I play along. First off, my son’s an awfully cute orc. It’s all so meaningless to him–it’s just a costume!
Walking into my closet, I look at what materials I have on hand…a lot of white things. A cloud costume? Hmm…Every year we as a family have a theme. One year Eli was yoda, I was Padme, and Leo was Obi Juan. Another year he was a Kracken, Leo a boat, and I was a pirate.
I look to Eli for ideas, “Who dresses in all white in the Lord of the Rings?” I look in the mirror–and a light bulb goes off as Eli says “Saruman the White–an evil wizard.”
In that moment, everything clicked. I saw how my fear was killing off fun and connection.
How my fear was causing suffering.
How my judgment was making no difference in having fair trade chocolate being given to children.
I embraced my shadow. And just like that, something magical happened.
Everything became light again.
The evil character costume was just that–a costume. When we were done playing that part, it got tossed into a corner and disposed of. There wasn’t any real threat.
I saw how evil characters aren’t real. They are funny illusions we create to have fun. I saw how fun it was to simply make a costume without assigning unnecessary significance and heavy energy. While I was trying to use my judgment to shield myself and family from evil, I ended up embodying fear–the very thing I wanted to avoid.
By embracing my shadow, I was embodying creativity, light, and joy.
What energy I embodied is what mattered most.
Just like fear, your shadow side longs to be seen. Believing that at the core of any fear–is still purity or light–you can even learn to “love your fear” and embrace it. Even welcome it!
Here’s a quick litmus test: Who would you rather be around?
Someone being light, fun, and joyful making a villain costume?
Or someone silently judging and condemning you in the name of light?
If in doubt of who you’re being, simply tune in and feel your body. Do you feel more heavy or light? Contracted or expanded? Fear or love?
As an entrepreneur, which way of being will attract the right clients? You guessed it.
Here’s a blog I wrote a year ago that still holds true today on Transforming Fear into Love that breaks down the 6 steps to transform fear into love.
Back to the inquiries:
What times in life did you embrace your fear?
What demons turned out not to be so scary after all, once you faced them?
How can you love your demons, your fears, the things you “hate about yourself?”
Take a few moments to reflect and would love to hear from you!
A wonderful song from a dear colleague sums it up best here.
