Unstoppable Joy

It’s subtle.

In the left shot, I’m artificially creating a smile. My eyes are a bit more dead. In short, my joy was dependent on the outside.

In the second shot, my eyes sparkle a bit more. I’m experiencing joy from within–shining out.

For years, I’ve searched for that missing “note” I spoke of in last week’s email. The sparkle inside that lights you up no matter how dark it gets.

If you want a never ending energy source for lighting up your life–here’s my very vulnerable sharing on my joy journey.

When I was 18, I “had it all” on every possible level: a good family, respect from peers, leadership in the school, a strong church community, scholar athlete, winner of many awards, and a hot boyfriend.

Yet I STILL FELT EMPTY!!!!

It was crazy making.

It’s not like I could go complain “my life is too good” so I kept quiet. I just kept searching and searching for what was missing.

I even wrote a children’s book “Aida and the Duke of Doubt” in a vain attempt to answer that question so little ones wouldn’t have to suffer with this longing for something more that never went away.

At the time I concluded, if you focus outside yourself solely on making a difference for others–you can forget your ego self and feel fulfillment.

While that can still be the case–it didn’t fill that empty hole.

(Mind you this was after being asked to leave the leadership team of my church because I was teaching the “mountain” theory of may paths to God…and at 22, left the church and all that I knew that had given me purpose yet still felt empty)

I tried a gajillion personal growth trainings for nearly 2 decades. Had MASSIVE transformations in every area.

Again, obtained everything on my “vision board” again and again.

But there comes a point where you stop caring about accomplishing more. The game gets old. You wonder “is this it?!”

Cause think about it, you accomplish a new experience. The it gets normal again. You accomplish again. Then it normalizes. You accomplish, it gets old, then eventually you die.

In the course, I suddenly realized how I’d been operating:

If I had more travel, then I can have joy.
If my husband Leo and I are more intimate, there would be more joy.
If my son Eli listens well or laughs, I’d feel joy.
If I put music on and dance, I’ll access joy.

Yet, travel, music, family–you name it!–all rely on looking for joy from the outside.

The missing note?

Joy comes from within.

Joy is a choice.

Joy has no reason.

I leave you with some inquiries:

How often do you feel joy?
What gives you joy? Is it outside yourself?
What does joy from within feel like?
What would being a joy generator for no reason look like?

Try looking in the mirror again: Do your eyes sparkle with the joy of being alive?

If they don’t, that’s ok. Meditate on the questions above and listen to your heart. Quiet the noise from the outside.

One thing I can promise: Is the day you can say “YES!”–without a doubt–“My eyes ARE sparkling!”, is the day you’ll experience a deep unconditional love for yourself in the face of all your imperfections, mistakes, and messiness.

Tears will stream down your face from an inexplicable joy.

I love you.

Thank you to everyone who responded to my last email–how wonderful was that?!

Please, share your thoughts by simply replying back to this email!

Or comment in this 7 minute Unstoppable Joy video I recorded RIGHT in the moment after the weekend…